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Happily, why vandalism has accepted a story of mine.
Perhaps even more happily, it had also been out to Thieves Jargon, so I had to write Matt DiGangi a note withdrawing the piece. I told him I felt a little like I kissed another boy in front of him to get his attention.
He wrote back and called me a tramp. Hehe.
I may be a tramp, but if I am, it's this kind:
Today I remembered why sometimes it is worth it to write status query letters. The kindly Stephen at Canteen apologized for neglecting to email me. Here's what he had to say:
"Sadly, your submission, judged by our entirely subjective and whimsical standards, fell into the category of the 5% of submissions we liked but couldn't quite find room for. It's well written, entirely up our thematic alley, but our space is terribly limited."
Then he offered to send me a copy of the new issue which comes out this week(good timing). This Stephen fella is one nice guy, I tell yah. If I ever had a life-threatening disease, I want the doctor to play telephone through Stephen to me.
Anyways, you should check out Canteen. I usually don't link to magazines that reject me, but Stephen was so generous, I think I might have caught the bug: Canteen.
Ahhhh... As I recall '74 was a good year. G. Gordon Liddy was found guilty of Watergate charges. Ian Ball failed in his attempt to kidnap Her Royal Highness Princess Anne and her husband Captain Mark Phillips. West Germany beat the Netherlands 2-1 for the FIFA World Cup.
Rejection 74: not as notable. Mr. Jason Koo, of Low Rent, used the royal "we" to say they'd read my submission with great interest, but decided to pass. He then said, "Sorry for the disappointing news." Well, Jason, I'll be honest: I'm not gonna cry about it. Thanks for assuming my emotions, though. Most people love that, and I'm one of 'em.
CL, of Ghoti, has sadly yet kindly rejected me again. He says though there is much about my story he likes, it's not quite right for them.
More on the way, CL.
I wonder why I bother to send query letters for submissions which haven't been responded to. I received a rejection from Copper Nickel weeks after I asked them why they were ignoring me, and assumed it was both a rejection and a response to my query.
Apparently it was just a regular rejection because now Copper Nickel has sent me a response to my query letter - hence - double rejection.
Hey: 2 reponses = better than none.
I'm going to go ahead and declare Rejection #72. Chris at Annalemma responded to a story I sent yesterday apologizing because they don't publish poetry. I'm guessing that means that despite my cover letter asking him to consider my story, "A Heaven Gone," for publication, he decided it was actually a poem. This could be because it is in a single column without paragraph breaks which is something I did because I didn't want paragraph breaks, but I know a big old block of text without any breaks can be overwhelming and I thought I'd make it easy to read like a newspaper column where you don't get lost from line to line. Am I nuts?
Anyways, I sent them a letter saying that I'd read the guidelines and know the magazine and am aware they don't take poetry and that I wasn't trying to pull a fast one by sending a poem and calling it a story. I also attached a new story with paragraphs and indentations and all that normal jazz. I might have pissed Chris off though, so maybe my chances with Annalemma are over and done with.
OK, I think I might have a problem. I haven't received an actual rejection in about a week and I'm really ready for one. I saw they posted the finalists for a contest on Opium's site, and I'm not one of them, so I guess that could be a technical rejection #72, but they said they might still accept some of the stories that aren't finalists, so I don't get that feeling of satisfaction that another piece has been through the mill. I think I have an addiction.
Also, I just listened to Ruth Reichl's Garlic and Sapphires on cd in anticipation of a fancy dinner with friends, and in an interview at the end of the cd, she talks about how she hates writing but loves having written and I can't agree more. There's nothing harder than sitting down to do the work, but when good work gets done I'm pretty sure that nothing is as satisfying. That said, I wrote a story today that makes me happy to have sat down.
Just wanted to say something to this blog even if no magazines are speaking to me.
Whoo, boy. The saga of Matt and Jac continues. Matt of Thieves Jargon finally responded to my follow-up submission. If you'll recall, Matt had previously said he would have normally accepted a story I'd sent, but he liked my blog so much, he wanted to be featured here. Well, ladies and gentlemen, he's milking it. He has rejected me again. To this I say: Fool me once, Matt DiGangi. Fool me once...
But because he's funny and I think you might enjoy reading it, I'll humor him and post the beginning of his rejection:
"I had to take some time off. Our relationship was moving too quickand I got freaked out. I don't like to hold hands on the bus heading for work until a) you've met my parents and b) slept with me.
But I'm ready to give it another try."
He's a clever dude. I will give him that. As for this bullshit about being shy of holding hands in public:
You said you wanted to reject me so you could get on my blog, Matt. Don't try and pretend you didn't want to go public.
Let's just be straight with each other from now on and I think we'll, as you so rightly say at the end of the email (which I'll keep private so that there's a little something just between you and I), "get there."
Literally. I was rejected within Chicago proper by the Chicago Review. Impersonal, nothing of note to report.
Listen, I don't want to make any dirty jokes for this rejection, but even if I did, I have to say that Barrow Street doesn't even merit the slightest nod in that direction. It was a form letter sans name or even genre of my piece; a strip of paper cut from a sheet of multiple rejections with pinking shears.
I am not fooled by the fancy cutting tool. I assume you just couldn't find your regular scissors, douche.
I apologize only nominally for the harsh tone. I've had some whiskeys and they made me giddy.
No sex joke for you, Barrow Street.